Sticks, Stones and Broken Bones

I have lived long enough to be able to say, I've reached the midlife point. At this juncture, we have not 'arrived' and we don't know everything but we certainly understand more then we did when we began our adult life journey. Allow me this time to reflect on some of my life and lessons that I have learned over the years. Many of these lessons I bring from people that are no longer living. Through my life I carry on their memory and lessons I experienced from sharing a part of my life with each of them and now I share part of my life with each of you. Because you and I share this time and space, you too, can choose to carry on these observations and life lessons with anyone else you share any part of your life with.
Some of these observations and life lessons I have learned more recently or experienced in a new or different way, and some I learned as a very young child. Many I did not understand at the time, but as time went on and different people shared segments of my life, I gradually understood things more and with a deeper awareness.

One of the greatest lies I remember learning as a very young girl was:
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”
I remember my grandmother teaching me to memorize these words and I know what her intent was in sharing what she probably learned as a young girl. Somehow it did not resonate as truth with what I was feeling at the time. The name calling went on relentlessly during those early school years. Nevertheless, I learned the chant and repeated it to the bullies at school. Through these school age memories of hurtful words exchanged, I learned that ‘doing unto others as they do to you’ was not an acceptable answer when you've been hurt. Two wrongs didn’t make it feel right. This was the first major life lesson learned.

Now, we understand something that few people understood anything about years ago, and that is “emotional pain.” The truth, as I understand it now, is that emotional pain will stay with you far longer than you would like it to. The physical pain of ‘having your bones broke by sticks and stones’ will heal in a relatively short amount of time. The emotional pain and lasting scares that ill spoken words or a hurtful action from someone that we care about leaves on us, carries a far reaching and lasting affect on us. Because we can never take back our words or actions, my desire for each of us is to choose our words and behavior with careful consideration. Realize that once you give away any form of communication to another, you can never retrieve it again. Words and behavior (actions) are never neutral. They carry a specific message. If we find that we have made an inappropriate choice with our communication and later we wish we hadn’t done or said what we did at the time, our only option now is to replace that communication with new and different words or behavior, followed by actions that will facilitate ‘emotional healing’ whenever possible. This reminds me of something I've heard in recent years; “We do not break an old habit, we just replace one behavior with a new and different behavior.” With every interaction, we choose our words and behavior (actions) with others. We do not 'own' language and words but when we exchange words, whether written, sung, or spoken, we must own the message they convey to the hearer from us personally and all of the expression or impact, whether positive or negative, that goes with that exchange.

When we come into a relationship we bring our ‘belongings’ into that relationship and when we leave, we can take our ‘belongings’ with us again. Here I refer to our material possessions. What we leave behind in any relationship is our words and our communication which carry the memories that we will forever associate with that person. For some, this is referred to as baggage. This is the part that does not erode over time and does not get misplaced. Fortunately, it can fade somewhat with new deposits of communication from our current relationships. What message are we leaving each day with the people we interact with?

Some of the ways we communicate to other people is with spoken words, written words, body language, and gestures. Even the impact of unspoken words that should have been shared, such as I love you, I appreciate you in my life, I value our time together, etc. can affect our memory and emotional state for a very long time.
I believe that all of you reading this letter have experienced the power and transformation that comes from hearing words of love, acceptance, and praise from someone that you value in your life.

All of you can think of different ways people have communicated their love to you during the time you've known each other. I would encourage you to try always to share positive and loving words with those in your life. Share words in song form, words in written form, body language, and spoken words with the people you love. Do they know, experience, and feel with all their senses the depth of your love and affection for them? Do they know how much you value the relationship that you share with them? The communication that you share makes up the treasure of priceless memories that they will retain, always. Value each moment, each expression, and each exchange that you share when you are together.

Every moment in time that we share and every form of communication that we engage in is a choice that we make for one another and is a gift of our own choosing that we give away to that person. This gift of time and communication that you give me is part of my thoughts, my feelings, and my heart, which lifts me when I am down. It makes me smile for no particular reason. I value and appreciate our relationship.