Forgiveness: A Personal Decision

All of us have been faced with needing forgiveness from someone and offering forgiveness to someone at one point or another in our lives. For some, this voluntary act seems to come easier than for others. Spiritually, there seems to be scriptural grounds for offering forgiveness. Emotionally, I have heard it said that you are the one who continues to suffer if you choose not to forgive. To this end I can say, from personal experience, that if the continual mental reminder of whatever the offensive act was is the suffering they speak of, I can attest to this truth. Mentally, if you can truly forgive someone and let the experience be part of your past and not your continual present, you are better off most certainly. Physically, the toll it takes on all of us to harbor unforgiveness is unmeasurable and we do know it affects us on every level. The toxins that our body produces surge through our veins when we hold onto hurt and disappointment and can be a tangible feeling of pressure, pain or even heat. We know that harboring unforgiveness is unhealthy for the whole body. Dealing with this issue is different for every person, however.

Is it also possible for those in denial, the offenders, that they feel no need to ask for forgiveness (or even accept it if it is offered voluntarily!) even if they are presented with someone else's feelings of hurt or disappointment? They, themselves, have hardened their heart or closed their mind to the situation and move on without mental or emotional distress. The offended is the one to carry on the 'feelings' resulting from the act bestowed on them by the offender.

Hurt and disappointment comes in many forms. It can be a physical act, a verbal act or even an act of omission! When we expect something from someone and they choose not to give us whatever it is we feel we need from them, feelings of hurt and disappointment overtake us.

The act of forgiving is not an easy choice for most people. The decision to forgive can be wrought with much angst.

When should we forgive? This is another part of the equation that shares much debate among individuals. I recently heard Janis Abrahms Spring PhD. say that she advises acceptance as opposed to forgiveness when the offender is unrepentant. Unless the offender genuinely apologizes, we should not offer forgiveness. I know this position may be different then that held by some Evangelical Christians so it will continue to be debated. One thing I know for a fact: There is a tension between forgiveness and justice that each of us has to resolve by ourselves. Each in our own unique creation may lean closer to justice and others closer to forgiveness.

The balance between justice and forgiveness, whatever the scale is for each of us, is ours alone to figure out and work through.

Ultimately, forgiveness is one of those choices in life that we alone must make for ourselves and we cannot impose it on anyone else if they choose not to offer or accept.